I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
