Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
