i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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