he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
