guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
