I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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