you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
