So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
