i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
