He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
FUCK WHALES
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