So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
