i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
