So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Randomize
