My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
