there's paper in my vomit.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
