I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize