my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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