And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Randomize
