If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
