home. puking in laundry basket.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
