Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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