What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
