Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize