You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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