you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
