Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize