I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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