Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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