i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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