I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
