I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
