she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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