Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
