Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you win again, gameday.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
