i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
