I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
