Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
