Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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