If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
she told me i tasted like america
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
