quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
