If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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