Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
