mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
