Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
