question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
