I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
