Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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