home. puking in laundry basket.
The best revenge is premature balding
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
