why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
