I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
