no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Holy sore nipples Batman
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
