Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
