Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
