My friends, they love my intelligence
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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