Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
