I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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