I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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