Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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