1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
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