uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
