I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
my poor anus
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize