I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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