I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
