I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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