Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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