Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
