just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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