I cannot find my penis.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
