Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
