i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
