I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
