And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize