...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
