the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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