The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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