He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize