This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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