I heard we made out
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize