He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
