cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
