I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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