I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
