My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize