so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He better not be in your backpack
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
