Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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