I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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