Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
